Babies don't just cry when put down or in a stroller, but also in a baby carrier. But why? Aren't they supposed to calm down with close physical contact? That I put them in the baby carrier and they're already asleep?
Does that mean there are babies who actually don't like it?
No, we haven't seen that yet!
Babies are born to be carried; physical closeness is essential to their being.
However, they have needs which, if left unmet, they will naturally voice, baby carrier or not. The reasons babies fuss and complain when we want to carry them vary depending on their age.
Here is a quick list of these reasons, each of which we describe in detail: how to overcome individual difficulties or avoid these problems altogether. What practical tips and adjustments can help make babywearing harmonious.
Why might a baby cry in the carrier?
- wants to nurse, bottle-feed, or use a pacifier
- sleepy
- wants movement
- can't see out
- is too warm
- wants to move freely.
Wants to nurse
A tiny baby, with little exaggeration, wants to nurse almost all day long. Once placed in a baby carrier, they often want to nurse even more. So the younger the baby, the more likely this is the reason if they cry in the carrier. This is certainly possible even if I just nursed/gave them a pacifier or bottle before putting them on. My baby might not be hungry anymore, but very often they still need the sucking motion and the flowing milk to settle down and fall asleep.
What should I do then? How do I carry them if they want to nurse constantly?
I can take them out of the carrier, nurse them/give them a bottle or pacifier, and then try babywearing again. It varies from baby to baby how many rounds like this are needed for them to calm down.
If I want to, I can also nurse / feed / soothe with a bottle or pacifier right in the baby carrier. The great advantage of this is that—once we have enough practice—life continues on in the meantime. What's more, in the carrier's snug embrace, combined with a little movement, we can probably soothe the baby faster, and we won't have to start wrapping all over again. Almost every baby carrier is suitable for this; in the mei tai, we can try both front and hip carries, and the ring sling is the real babywearing-nursing miracle tool.
When front carrying in a mei tai, loosen the shoulder straps and lower the baby for nursing. To reach a comfortable nursing height, you might also need to lower the waistband slightly. Once you find the right height and the baby has latched on, retie the shoulder straps. Be careful during nursing not to support the baby's head, or only support it enough so that they can release the breast at any time.
When carrying on the hip, you will also likely need to lower the baby a little for nursing by loosening and then retying the straps, or in the case of a ring sling, by loosening the sling.
Once the baby has finished nursing, place them back at a comfortable carrying height and pull your baby carrier tight.
When bottle-feeding, see what height the baby needs to be at so that you can comfortably hold the bottle for them, both for their comfort and yours. In this case, you may not even need to change the initial setting.
READ OUR BLOG POST ON BREASTFEEDING IN A BABY CARRIER TOO
If our baby takes a pacifier, often a soother is enough for them to relax and fall asleep.
Sleepy
Babies need help falling asleep. Some need less, some more. There are babies who, when sleepy and placed in the carrier, are suddenly already fast asleep. And then there are the others, for whom it is hard to fall asleep even close to your body, in the snug embrace of a carrier.
How can we help them?
If our baby breastfeeds, we can also nurse them in the carrier. If we don't breastfeed, we can offer the baby a bottle or a pacifier while in the carrier as well.
There are also times when simply being on the move is enough to rock our baby to sleep. If we happen to be out walking somewhere, this happens naturally; if we are at home, we can dance, do gentle squats, or potter around the apartment, but if we would rather take it easy, bouncing on a fitness ball is a secret wonder weapon.
Once our baby falls asleep, they can stay on us in the carrier. This is when the sleeping hood comes in handy, which you can find in a hidden pocket on the ema design mei tai. In most cases, it is worth waiting a little while after they fall asleep before attaching the hood and/or continuing to move in the meantime, so the baby definitely doesn't wake up from being handled.
Of course, we can also put the sleeping baby down. Unfortunately, there is no foolproof method to ensure they don't wake up in the process. Whether they can be put down while sleeping varies by child and age.
Wants to be moved
Babies don't like standing still with them. Movement and rocking soothe them, and they need it almost constantly. In the baby carrier as well. Even while putting the carrier on. In fact, tying the carrier is often a hassle for the baby. If they get fussy during the process, feel free to pause tying for a moment and try to calm them down by walking around, dancing, or doing gentle squats. Once we become more experienced, we can continue putting on the carrier while doing this.
Movement also helps if the baby gets sleepy while being carried.
It is a common occurrence that while putting the baby on inside the apartment, they complain, but as soon as we start walking, all is right with the world. So don't hesitate to step out into the garden or onto the street and see if a walk helps.
And be careful! How we move matters. In our experience, most babies couldn't care less about restrained, tentative movements – feel free to move dynamically with them, bounce with big motions, and try to get a feel for their rhythm.
Can't see out, wants more freedom
A very common reason for crying, fussing, or squirming in the carrier is that our baby cannot freely move their head, shoulders, or arms, and cannot see as much as they would like.
When the baby is still very small, we naturally support their head while carrying them. However, from the moment they start holding it up on their own, many babies find it bothersome if the carrier reaches all the way to their ears, as this prevents them from lifting and moving their head. In this case, place them in the carrier so that the back panel reaches only up to their shoulders.
To do this, either fold the waistband once to shorten the length of the mei tai, or create a deeper seat by letting the baby's bottom sink lower than the top edge of the waistband before smoothing the back panel over their back. This latter method also reduces the height of the back panel.
In many cases, there is a short, transitional period when the baby can no longer stand having the carrier up by their head while awake, yet their head is not entirely steady: at such times, it's worth helping a little with our hand, and then using the sleeping hood once they fall asleep.
The next phase is when our baby can also support their upper back and definitely wants to use their arms more actively, as well as turn from side to side in the carrier. At this point, adjust the mei tai's back panel so that it comfortably supports the baby only up to their armpits, giving them even more freedom. In this case, we can also use the methods mentioned above: fold the waistband once or create an even deeper seat.
Then it may also happen that even all this freedom proves to be not enough, because our baby still cannot easily observe everything they want to. After all, when carried in front, they mostly see our chest, and comfortably only very small glimpses of the rest of the world.
This is when we can switch to hip or back carrying, which gives the baby a much wider field of view.
These methods can, of course, be combined. For instance, we can also carry on our back with the carrier supporting the baby up to their armpits.
With the ema design mei tai, you can comfortably carry in front, on the hip, and on the back, and using the methods described above – folding the waistband, creating a deeper seat – you can easily customize the height of the carrier as well.
They are too warm
When we start babywearing in the summer heat and the baby cries in the carrier, it is easy and seemingly completely logical to conclude that they are crying because they are too hot. About babywearing in the heat, HERE we wrote in more detail.
They want to move freely
When a baby is born, they crave continuous physical contact. The first months are spent in complete unity, often referred to as the fourth trimester. Then, slowly but surely, they begin to need a few minutes on the floor. As time and motor development progress, they demand this free movement for a little longer each time.
Many people experience a moment when the little one suddenly protests against being carried. However, this is not a rejection of babywearing in general, but means that at that specific moment they do not want to be carried, but rather move independently.
If we have errands to run and don't want to struggle with a toddler, we can time things so that we head out when our baby has already had plenty of movement and is happy to rest on us, rather than wanting to practice their newfound skill right then.
Most often, this happens around the time they learn to walk. However, a baby learning to walk still gets tired quickly and will ask to be picked up again. So at times like this, we can set out, for example, with the child walking on their own feet to start, but having the carrier ready with us so that when they get tired, we can carry them. This is why a ring sling is very practical with a toddler who frequently asks to be picked up and put down.
This is a new kind of situation that we need to adapt to. But it by no means marks the end of the babywearing journey. That is usually still very far off…
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